O.K. I submit.
Bismi'llah arRahman arRahim. There is no refuge from Allah but in Him.

Been a little bit 'up' this morning,but things have bashed me down again.
I'm pretty down about things in general,and about Bilquis's continuing illnesses in particular.(There's even a little relief from admitting that in print.)
I don't think I want to launch into a long list of complaints and negativities .. but quite how to pick myself and move forward today I am not sure.
Things started off with a fearful 'marron'-type feeling when I awoke,but I put most of that right with some tapping EFT-style.As it is always easier to be aware of and sincere with Allah at that time in the morning, I was able to prise myself out of bed and make wudu and pray two rakats sunna and two rakats fard.
It felt good and true and real.There was a sense of surety about my faith (for once!) ..I don't know how directly or indirectly this has anything to do with EFT ..(I must say I wrote a pretty good piece capturing the feeling and then some discussion of it,this morning,but I was hard hit when Blogger just "pouffed" that into thin air upon trying to edit out a couple of small typographical errors.)
I am learning to deal with all these ups and downs of life .. but my constant tendency to run away and hide, over the years has left me in a rather insecure situation ..I am very much dependent on Bilquis's sales techniques to make a living and I don't like that for two reasons.1): I don't think it's much good for her health any more (though there's some discussion about that as it keeps her mind off things) and,2):I have no self esteem due to not earning my own living.
I have always written,though not in a very creative way. It is a release and escape mechanism which recently took a positive form when doing a translation for a magazine piece to be published on the internet. I might get some more work from them but that alone would not be enough to support us.
I have had a look at some agencies and signed up with two or three,but they all want one to pay a sum up front to get the concrete leads to offers of work which one then has to 'bid' for against who knows how many other professionals.It's all a bit of an unknown quantity and I don't want to go around dishing out 70$ here and 100$ there (at the same time that my @ sign key and my " key changed places
I lost my euro sign somewhere ..sometimes ..oftentimes really lately... I wish that someone intelligent and helpful was reading this,so as to help me out with such mundane little glitches as well as other stuff..around Bilquis and health issues and economic issues and age issues and Islamic issues and and and ...) .. now,where was I ? ..Oh yes ..translation work ..
Well I found some interesting and helpful-looking stuff on a page from England ..called the Internet Homeworking Directory. (Well that spammer in the States certainly got hit for his rip offs didn't he ? Nine years ..!)
Yes ..it's all about trying to go from thinking to action,which interestingly enough is a theme reflected in recent astrological constellations... but that is really another story. So-o-o-o ...
I like writing is what I was getting round to saying ,but I don't really believe I could make any money at it.Now,Sheikh suggested that I travel and write about what I see and take photos.The only thing that I can believe would catch people's interest about this is,that I have the difference from other writers that I know something about and have access to the Islamic world which includes the inside of mosques and derghas/zawiyyas etc.
Here, I am interrupted by the landlord who has come with some good news about the irrigation water and some works to the roof and drainage of the house.
I'll post and rest now.
- posted by longgone1 @ 4/09/2005 11:50:00 AM