Tuesdays.
Bismi'llah arRahman arRahim. There is no refuge from Allah but in Him.

Difficult day today,trying hard not to let it get me down,but it is getting to me.Have done some positive stuff on the spiritual and the material level.Prayers this morning,night prayers and full fajr.Have cleaned up the garden and the beds around the house.Two full barrow loads of grass and leaves.Small things but positive and makes one feel good the contact with the earth and the air.
Fed up with being stuck in the house.The relationship with Bilquis begins to look a bit bad again..nothing in particular that she has done or me really ..just life .. getting us both down.Could make a long list of negativities ..but,what for?
I think her being back to Buddhism and me trying to carry on with my Islam is a bit of a pull ... apart.
Part of me would like to complain.. but it's too much effort and makes no difference in the end.
Woke in a bad strange state.Every day is heavy with the weight of having no house of our own..there is some anger there with her not having been aware of the importance of such things ..there is a lot of anger there because Sabeeha ripped me off and because I was so weak and so stupid as to trust her.
Also we are getting older now and everything is harder physically...Bilquis is having a lot of healthtroubles and that is getting me down.I have no friend or confidant.I have no family or support group.Her family is 1000 kilometres away.
I could go on.
Today is the first day that really feels like Spring here.It has come very late this year.After the snow and frosts we are pleased to see that only the hibiscus has really died.Even the kiwi still is giving a few small new shoots (both the male and the female) and it seems as though the avocados will survive.
I'm sure everything is perfect really and just how it is supposed to be..but ..Tuesday .. well you know ..worst day of the week and all that (I know I am very suggestable but ..still..it was the day that Shaytan was created or came down to earth..I don't know which ..Just as Friday is the most blessed day this is the most cursed and that is just the way it is.
Sheikh's teaching is like that ..take it or leave it.The other day I was looking at one of the videos that Abdl Razak sends through and Sheikh was saying that because Adam was created of clay man likes earth and land and because Eve was created from Adam's rib women like men.The people in the audience just laughed in an embarrassed sort of way (especially the men probably) but Sheikh just sat there implacably and said "That is true." Take it or leave it,he is the Sheikh.
- posted by longgone1 @ 4/12/2005 05:37:00 PM