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Bismi'llah arRahman arRahim. There is no refuge from Allah but in Him.

Sunday November 6th. 2005. Zarautz.

17.26.Hrs.

Joder! Que cansancia ! well, I mean, my God ! what tiredness ..! Losing myself in Blogger and Blog Ladder and Flickr, to try to forget this horrible feeling of impending doom.
Bilquis has been getting thinner and thinner and perhaps we’ve only, or I’ve only, just realised with clarity that it is due to the cancer kind of “eating her up”. Bilquis still doesn’t really want to look at it .. the attitude that has really led her to the situation that she is in now. In an attempt to get her to do be a bit more towards being realistic about the situation I asked her to weigh herself .. she didn’t really want to do it .. but eventually, around mid-day, did. Poor thing she got such a shock to find that she had lost a kilo and a half in three or four days .. she now weighs 43 kilos instead of her normal 53. She is so thin and the skin is kind of wrinkled and hanging off her.

What to do? What to do? When I rang “Chusa”, a doctor who has known her for thirty years and is gaenacologist and homoeopath as well as knowing something about The New Medicine, to tell her about this fact so that she might try even harder to get an operation for Bilquis, she said if she tells the doctors this, they will almost definitely not operate as according to their “protocols” she would definitely be a hopeless case.

I still believe that thinking positively and fighting for her life would work for her with such things as EFT, but Bilquis always seems to just bury her head in the sand and does not seem to have an intelligent attitude to her own salvation. One wonders about “secondary benefits” to the extent that she will risk her own life to make an unconscious point or get attention.

I am not strong enough or clever enough to jump across a divide, which is still perhaps cultural, after fifteen years of being together, in order to communicate another view and way of seeing this thing. I just know it has it’s roots and that there is something so self destructive at the base of it all.

Perhaps she really just doesn’t want to live.. or something inside her died when her first and very beloved husband commited suicide just about the time that this all started.

I wish I had someone dynamic and clever like Gary Craig to turn to.. or the kind of people that one comes across inAmerican lore who just will not give up .. but also are willing to apply something like EFT to help themselves even when the doctors have given them up.

Bilquis has always somehow believed in drugs and pharmaceutical solutions to problems .. as if there was something like a magic potion in a bottle that will always resolve all difficulties.

Perhaps this is why the “Renoven” (recent name of resurged “Bio Bac”) seems to be appropriate for her turn of mind. The trouble is there may not be enough time for it to take effect. I hope to contact that doctor in Madrid on Monday to ask him about this aspect of the case.
- posted by longgone1 @ 11/06/2005 06:08:00 PM